“You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?”
"You know he's scheming."
If you’ve played The Legend of Zelda: Majoras Mask, this quote might be enough to send shivers down your spine. The ever-ominous smiling face and sinister giggle of a certain character flashes in your mind, there is no escape. I’ve just reminded you of the Happy Mask Salesman, which may have you reminiscing on all of those great times you had together.
"SEE?! Creep. Dudes a creepy creep."
Like that one time he grabbed you, shook you like a rag doll and glared deep into your soul with furious red eyes after hearing that you did not, in fact, bring him his precious mask back after finding your ocarina. Oh, remember how 10 seconds before all of this, he made an organ appear out of nowhere to teach you The Song of Healing? One minute he’s spazzing about, the next he’s playing an instrument, the next he’s having a psychotic breakdown.
"How jarring was that? That thing is HUGE! Did he pull a Mary Poppins and pull it out of his bag? I can't. My head hurts."
I can’t keep up with this hyperactive hell, just tell me how to do the thing! And seriously, just keep your eyes closed from now on. Maybe even turn that smile down just a little? Or off...turn it off....that’ll work.
Majoras Mask scared the triforce-loving shit out of me as a child. The land of Termina was so much darker than the fields of Hyrule. Many of the characters you came across on your adventure were dealing with some form of loss. Also, the moon is hurtling towards the world on a collision course to destroy everything and everyone. Link has three days to stop this from happening and guess who ends up being an important piece to figuring out how exactly to do this? A-ha, you guessed it.....
"I understand why he chooses to keep his eyes shut most of the time. I would too if I had blazing red soul-eater eyes. Just saying."
Just kidding....it’s Happy Mask Salesman.
"A screencap from one of my favorite gaming youtubers ever, PeanutButterGamer. Please, allow me to LINK you to his work...HA...screw you it's funny. Seriously though, dudes on the money."
Everything about this guy got to me. His general creepy demeanor, his questionable plans of use for the mask, even his friggen theme song still makes me cringe. I have always been very suspicious of game characters that know more than they let on. While the rest of Clock Town is excitedly planning a festival, Happy Mask Salesman is apparently a very busy man and must skip town in three days. Hmm...three days Mr. Salesman? How odd....it’s almost like you don’t want to be here when angry murderous moon kills everyone!
"This face. This is the face that terrorized my nightmares for years as a child. STOP SMILING, NO ONE LIKES YOU. GO HOME."
There are actually quite a few well thought-out theories surrounding this game. My personal favorite being that each area in the game represents one of the five stages grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Clock Town being the denial stage. Even though the moon is way, way closer than it ever should be, residents continue to plan a festival and mock anyone who seems concerned. This is a bit off topic so I won’t elaborate, but if you find this as fascinating as I do, you should absolutely read up. Link is also dead in this theory so, there’s that. How about this? Every time Link dies or you fail to stop the rage-death moon, black takes over the screen with white text that says: “You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?” While you hear him giggling in the background. (Ahem...this is also the very first thing he ever says to you in the game....LINK IS DEAD. Sorry, continue.) Seriously? My in game death amuses you? You sick, deranged salesman. I hate you. His antics and the game itself are so unsettling that fans have been inspired to make up their own works of scary fiction. “Ben Drowned” is probably the most well known interpretation. Again, just another recommendation to check out if you want more Majora/Mask Salesman creepy time. (Spoiler alert! Ben might drown or something.)
"Good luck sleeping tonight!"
All this being said, I find it incredible that years later, a video game character can still freak people out enough to evoke all of this creativity. Theories, fanficiton, “creepypasta” (Internet slang for creepy things, also the name of the website where you can find Ben. If you dare.), and video content have all come into existence for us nerds to share and discuss.
I shall leave you with an inspiring quote from Mr. Salesman.
“Believe in your strengths...Believe...”
Hello Players and Plus Ones alike! Many of you may know me as the friendly, albeit sometimes strong-willed girl who checks your IDs and gets you into our beloved bar as quickly and efficiently as possible. My work in our store really is only the tip of the iceberg to who I am and what I plan to do with my time on this Earth. Let’s dive just a bit deeper and rewind to give you lovelies a better understanding of what’s to come from Kitana’s contributions to Player 1.